FeelingWow! Magazine

Getting psyched up to tell your children about your pending divorce — or separation? Not sure what to say? When to say it? How to say it? What to expect after the conversation? What to do next? What therapists, mediators, attorneys, clergy and other professionals suggest you do and don’t do to make things better all around?

Having the “divorce talk” with a child you love is one of the toughest conversations you’ll ever have. Shouldn’t you be prepared?

Professionals all agree on some of the most common mistakes parents make when bringing up divorce or separation. These include:

Pressuring children to make choices. Most kids feel torn when asked to choose between parents. Don’t put them in that position.

Neglecting to tell your kids that they are not at fault. Don’t assume your children understand that they are victims in your divorce. Remind them frequently that they bare no blame in any way related to your divorce.

Sharing information only adults should be aware of. Parents often do this to bond with their children or try to win them over. It creates a burden that children shouldn’t have to bare. Talk to adults about adult issues.

If youre not sure what to say and how to say it in age-appropriate language, there are many resources available to help you. Therapists and mediators provide excellent personal guidance. Collaborative divorce attorneys (those who specialize in creating non-adversarial divorce solutions) can be of great assistance at this time. Clergy, school Guidance Counselors and parenting experts are good to turn to. There are many articles and books written on the subject as well.

Whatever you do, prepare yourself in advance when talking to your children. Be aware of the impact of your words on their innocent psyches. Avoid the mistakes we have discussed. Think before you leap and give your family a sound foundation on which to face the changes ahead with security, compassion and love.